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My site-name is Mamoru but you can also call me Morla. Biologically a girl who gets curious so easily. Likes trying something new, weird and interesting. Yawns a lot and gets bored easily. Want More?

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Sunday, November 29, 2015 | Time: 5:20 PM | 10 box of chocolate(s)

Hello my old friends! It feels like ages since the last time I posted something in here, am I right? Hahah. So, how have you been? How is your life? I miss you guys soooo fuckin much! I really hope that you guys are doing well and something good is happening to you guys . Well, if you're asking me, there are lots of things that happened in my life hahah. But I have to say sorry! Cause I'm only gonna tell you two things about it.

Okay, where should I start? Hahah. I guess I will start with gaining some weight lol. I know it's really weird to post something about this. But HEYYY, IT NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE SO FACE IT, OKAY? YEAH!!! SO! Right now, I'm not thin like I used to before andddd I don't know it's a good thing or a bad thing (?) BECAUSE, I USED TO BE REALLY CURIOUS about it! NO! I want it to happen!!! So when I've finally gained some weight, BAM! I don't know why, but these thoughts popped out to my mind like "Why is this happening to me!?", "I miss my old body", "I shouldn't wish this thing to happen" *and stuffs like that lol. Well, I guess it's just like what people say, "Careful what you wish for". And soooo, yeah! Now I'm 58kg! Byebye 45kg! And I don't know if it's because a lack of exercise or it's because foods are just too irresistible . HAHAHA. Nevermind.

Hmm, Second. I don't know if it's a good thing to talk about it in here because you never see or read about this before in my blog. But I really want to open up with you guys, about my condition. Well, I'm depressed, no. Correction..... I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2. I'm sure it's pretty rare for you to see someone who "open up" about this in their blog. Well maybe I'm the first one to open up with you guys haha. I don't know, there are lots of fears, there are lots of hates coming from me when I'm in a low mood and I don't understand why. Like everything feels so heavy and I just want it to end so badly haha. Like I'm a failure and I can't do anything right hahah. But y'know what? It's really different when I'm in a good mood or in a happy mood. Why is that? Hmm... it's because I can feel like I'm really stupid when I think about the things that I've been doing when I'm in low mood and when I'm feeling extremely good, I don't know why but everything feels so reachable, like everything will go well, or I can do something for myself and there's nothing to be afraid of. To be honest, I really like it when I'm in high mood hahahahaha. But my therapist said that it's not a good thing to be extremely happy and extremely sad at the same time. Well anyway, I've been going to therapist for almost 1 year now haha and to be honest, it sort of helping me out. Talking about some stuffs that I can't share with anyone and he also helped me out by giving me some medicines like anti-depressant and two mood-stabilizers (Lithium 400mg and Depakote 500mg). Hmm.. I don't know when will I stop drinking it but I really hope that when I stop, I will be able to control myself again.

I guess that's all for now. Sorry for a really long post! Thank you for reading it!
P.S: I'm going to have a presentation about my thesis in December 3rd! Wish me luck!
P.S.S: I dyed my hair red! I will post it in the next post!

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