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My site-name is Mamoru but you can also call me Morla. Graduated and worked as a filmmaker, ze gets curious about lots of things, likes trying something new and full of surprises. Yawns a lot and gets bored easily. Want More?

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Sunday, December 6, 2015 | Time: 11:01 PM | 12 box of chocolate(s)

Hello guys! I want to tell you how happy I am because I just went on a trip for 2 days with my friends. Well they are not just like any other friends, they are crew of UMN TV. Some call us a team but we are more than that! We are family! Well it was a fun experience because we played some games that made us bond to each other. We also exchanged presents, opened up our feelings to each other and flew some lanterns! Here is the video of our activities:

Edited by: Felysia Agustin

To be honest, I don't feel lonely when I am with them. And it's a good thing because sometimes I can feel like I'm all alone even though I'm in crowded place or when I'm with some friends hahah. And from this short trip, I also learn that.... loneliness comes when you're not in the right place, when you're not in the right place to be yourself. When you're not in the right place with the right people, or not in the right place to let things go without fear of being disliked by them. People don't feel lonely when they can forget about the loneliness that consumes them. And I got that from you, UMN TV! Thank you, guys! I'm glad that I found you all! And not only UMN TV, I also want to say thank you for always reading my blog. You guys also make me feel like I'm not alone and to be honest, it's fun reading your comments and reading your blog as well. Thank you for supporting me until this far! I really love you guys! And I also want to thank my buddies, Bryan, Karmel, Diva, Fabi, Radhwa, Amanda, Icha, Stella, Maria, Stefanie, and all of my friends that I don't mention but still stay by my side. Thank you guys for everything you have done.

Note: Click here to see my awesome red hair!

Mood: cheerful
Music: Wakamonotachi - Moriyama Naotaro

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Sunday, November 29, 2015 | Time: 5:20 PM | 10 box of chocolate(s)

Hello my old friends! It feels like ages since the last time I posted something in here, am I right? Hahah. So, how have you been? How is your life? I miss you guys soooo fuckin much! I really hope that you guys are doing well and something good is happening to you guys . Well, if you're asking me, there are lots of things that happened in my life hahah. But I have to say sorry! Cause I'm only gonna tell you two things about it.

Okay, where should I start? Hahah. I guess I will start with gaining some weight lol. I know it's really weird to post something about this. But HEYYY, IT NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE SO FACE IT, OKAY? YEAH!!! SO! Right now, I'm not thin like I used to before andddd I don't know it's a good thing or a bad thing (?) BECAUSE, I USED TO BE REALLY CURIOUS about it! NO! I want it to happen!!! So when I've finally gained some weight, BAM! I don't know why, but these thoughts popped out to my mind like "Why is this happening to me!?", "I miss my old body", "I shouldn't wish this thing to happen" *and stuffs like that lol. Well, I guess it's just like what people say, "Careful what you wish for". And soooo, yeah! Now I'm 58kg! Byebye 45kg! And I don't know if it's because a lack of exercise or it's because foods are just too irresistible . HAHAHA. Nevermind.

Hmm, Second. I don't know if it's a good thing to talk about it in here because you never see or read about this before in my blog. But I really want to open up with you guys, about my condition. Well, I'm depressed, no. Correction..... I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder type 2. I'm sure it's pretty rare for you to see someone who "open up" about this in their blog. But... I just want to share a little bit about mental illness with you guys. Hmm.. Where should I start? Hahah.. Well, there were lots of fears, lots of hate coming from me when I was in a low mood and I don't know why. Sometimes it could be reasonable but mostly it came without no reasons. Everything felt so heavy... And at that time, I just wanted everything to end so badly haha, I got enraged about small things and pissed off with people around me. Really really pissed and I wanted them to leave me all alone! I also felt like "I'm a failure and I can't do anything right" and lots of voices coming from my brain. Sometimes I felt like I've been followed and felt like I just wanted to stay in bed all day... Crying. Haha. But y'know what? It felt completely different when I'm in a good mood or in a happy mood. When I felt super! I could be really productive! I could stay awake for days without feeling tired and if I did feel tired, I felt it was too soon to sleep and I felt like I needed to do something more! I needed to do things because I felt like I was running out of time. Everything felt so speed up, I wanted to do more, I wanted to meet people, I wanted to make myself felt more good! I also felt really stupid when I thought about the things that I've been doing when I was in a low mood, and I don't know why but when I felt extremely happy, everything felt so reachable, like everything would go well, or I could do something for myself and there was nothing to be afraid of. To be honest, I really like it when I felt extremely good hahahahaha. But my therapist said that it's not a good thing to be extremely happy and extremely sad. He said, that I could do reckless things when I was in "all extreme". Well anyway, I've been going to therapist for almost 1 year now haha and to be honest, it sort of helping me out. Talking about some stuffs that I couldn't share with anyone and he also helped me out by giving me some medicines like anti-depressant and two mood-stabilizers (Lithium 400mg and Depakote 500mg). Hmm.. I don't know when will I stop drinking it but I really hope that when I stop, I will be able to control myself.

I guess that's all for now. Sorry for a really long post! Thank you for reading it!
P.S: I'm going to have a presentation about my thesis in December 3rd! Wish me luck!
P.S.S: I dyed my hair red! I will post it in the next post!

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Thursday, January 9, 2014 | Time: 3:08 PM |

I know, I know. I haven't been online since the last July of 2013. Whenever I want to update about something, I kept thinking that's been too late so... Yeah. I didn't update anything. Sorry, I'm truly sorry. It sounds like I'm making excuses, but it's true. I've been very busy. For example: if I wanted to update about things around August, it was already October. Yeah it's always been like that. I'm truly sorry for not visiting your blog and hiatus without saying any words. I've been thinking to take long hiatus from now on.

1. Celebrated Christmas (on December 24) with my whole paternal family.
2. When the Christmas party ended, I saw and picked up a baby bat that fell on the ground.

3. Went to Singapore (on December 26 - 29) & visited Universal Studios Singapore, Marina Bay, etc.
4. Spent New Year 2014 with my whole family and friends from High School and it was really fun!

Anyway, if you want to find me while I'm hiatus, you contact me in here:
Note: I post about things and photos that related to things that happened to me.
Facebook: 1 | 2
Blog's Twitter: Twitter.com/Mellomorla
Changed my E-mail address into: janemorla@yahoo.co.uk

Thanks for always being there for me and reading my blog! I really really love you, guys!
P.S: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2014, guys! Once again, thank you so much for everything.

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